I was laying on a beach in Oahu under a lighthouse in the shade. In my head I was questioning how important continuing the nomadic lifestyle was to me. I had only been gone for 5 months but I was struggling with a feeling that didn’t feel right inside.
I realized pretty early on in my journey that even though I was experiencing all of these amazing things – traveling, learning, trying new things – I wasn’t providing any context for all of these experiences to occur in. Everything had just become noise, random, chaotic, enjoyable, but they didn’t come together and provide any coherent feeling of purpose.
I realized I was just on a journey to travel for the sake of traveling – without a clear purpose. I didn’t know what I wanted the point of my story to be and if it was going to be easy and predictably attainable, I knew it wouldn’t be a great story.
Furthermore, I had lost all sense of a community and being creative in a way that provides value through my work. I was stretched thin enough in Florida trying to force friendships and feeling almost completely out of sync when visiting real friends back home. The people I met along my short stint were nothing less than amazing but the bonds I fear were tenuous. I was lacking fulfilling, challenging, and exciting work as well and felt the stagnation creeping into every crevice of my life.
I found that I will always be longing for something I can’t find in a continuous life on the road and I need to continue to cultivate the relationships I have in the Southeast – a place where I always feel welcome and that I long for when I’m away.
Instead of running, I realize now that these things are essential to my happiness and can’t picture my future without them.
I will still travel to my original destinations but with purpose now.